“A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle” -Gloria Steinem
Gender Roles
Women are people. Seems obvious, right? Sure, each society has its different ideas about femininity and masculinity; in some places women are expected not to wear pants while sex “sells” in the United States. But the way we are trained to view gender (yes, we are brainwashed to believe gender is a social construct) says so much about our treatment of women and men. Many people struggle with the concepts of asexuality and fluid sexuality. Deconstructing these ideas in this post would take way too long. But possibly the most detrimental and destructive perspectives are those that don’t allow for men and women to be complex beings.
Men play sports Women wear makeup
Men work regular jobs Women are caretakers
Men don’t cry Women are irrational
Men propose to women Women should marry
Men own Women are objects
I’ve had countless encounters with people around the world during my solo travels where they expected me to be “owned” by a man in one way or another.
“You’re traveling alone? Where’s your boyfriend? Aren’t you afraid to travel by yourself?”
The easy way to avoid these conversations is to laugh it off and agree that yes, I am still young and sure I still have time.
The difficult thing to do would be to say “No! I’m actually not interesting in conceiving children at this time or in the future. I am interested, however, in earning my PhD and improving the lives of children, who already exist, in a meaningful way. (She’s cold, they would say. She’ll come around and change her mind soon.)
The difficult thing to do would be to hold the conversation about gender roles with those with which we are closest: parents, siblings, good friends, and older relatives.
The difficult (and perhaps dangerous) thing would be to stop on the street when men choose to catcall us and ask them why they chose to use monikers like “baby” and “gorgeous” to refer to us. And no, it isn’t simply a compliment.
Oh wait, some of us are trying that already. Like agreeing with compliments from men; turns out that only gets us labeled as vain and “full of ourselves.” *sigh*
Dissension among the ranks
If I could shake every one of the young girls at my school and tell them to stop tearing each other down, I would never have time to teach. It’s enough that they encounter boys who take out their hormonal uncertainties on the self confidence and will of their female counterparts. It pains me to see 11, 12, and 13 year old girls bully and harass each other with their hurtful words. With the additional factor of technological communication in this generation, it’s hard to believe girls today have any self confidence at all.
And it’s not just an issue among children; women of all ages are QUICK to tear another woman down if she poses a “threat” in some way. Whether it’s those social constructs that have been pounded into our heads since birth to view other successful women as competitors, this mindset is toxic to the survival and success of the female community.
Some feminists are also hesitant, for some reason or another, to include the LGBTQIA community into their call for equal rights. How can we tear down other women who are fighting for the rights of all of us? Does our sexual orientation really matter in the fight to be considered as people? Really…?
Unfortunately colorism is another issue under the dissension umbrella that we face. The history of the feminist movement in the US has largely ignored and excluded a HUGE population of women that were struggling for a vast majority of their rights. Unfortunately, the fight for equality among women of color is two fold: you’re both not white and not male. It doesn’t surprise me that women of color don’t consider themselves feminists because of the movement’s sordid history at the turn of the 20th century. Womanism was born out of this division, but unfortunately some women of color continue to feel disheartened by the idea of seemingly having to put their gender before their race.
The stigma of feminism
Even Beyonce couldn’t make this popular. Unfortunately, the stigma regarding feminism is bra-burning-man-hating-P.M.Sing-rage-filled-lesbians who can’t help but to disseminate their pamphlets about why men are evil.
No, in fact we’re quite friendly. Or not. We’re doctors and teachers and lawyers and pilots. Or not. Sometimes we’re stay at home moms and mechanics and librarians and astrophysicists. We cry in public. Or not. We like sappy romantic movies. Or not.
Feminists come in all shapes and sizes. Some of my best male friends consider themselves to be feminists because they believe in the social, economic, and political equality of people.
So what’s the secret to hurtling our society towards complete gender equality? There might not be 1 answer, but there are baby steps we can take.
Have open conversations with people who truly don’t know any better.
Take a deep breath before you pass judgement on someone who thinks all feminists are lesbians.
Unless they’re Pat Robertson. In this case, run.
And seek out resources, because you’re not in this alone! It can be difficult to talk with people about a subject you might not be well versed in. It’s even more frustrating when people THINK they are experts when they primarily speak from illogical and broad claims. Despite the scary world of internet conversations out there, safe spaces for women exist (BTW, you should go back and click on those links 🙂 they’re pretty awesome) that allow for open conversations.
Build each other up
Encourage the women in your life to be happy. Even if you don’t agree with all of their life choices, guess what? It’s not your life! You have your own to live and we all deserve people in our space who lift us up instead of passing judgement. Seriously, society oppresses us enough.
Musings of a Burgeoning Brooklynite 